Punishment

No one likes being punished. If they like a punishment, it wouldn't be a punishment. I'm no different than anyone else when it comes to that. I really hate that I asked you to change a punishment you set for me. Because I know it was supposed to hurt. And I know it was going to. It's just... I've already gone almost three weeks without seeing you. That in itself felt like punishment. And I was looking forward to seeing you with all my heart, and you telling me that you would be taking those days away... It just really hurt. Not just a little hurt but I felt incredibly broken by that. I could have lived with not seeing you if it were because of something else, but... I was being denied by you. And I guess I couldn't handle that. I really was almost crying just from thinking about it. I have a really sensitive heart... And I understand that I need to be punished when I do something wrong. But it's hard to handle being hurt emotionally.

It really, really scared me when you said it was possible for the relationship to end because of this... Because of my mistake. I don't know what I would do if I lost this because I didn't do something... Because I forgot something important. It's even worse that I've done it multiple times now... I want to be able to make it up to you but I don't know how I can. Making up the blog entries doesn't mean anything. I want to do something meaningful and special that will make up for the times I make mistakes. I want to be a good girl. A good sub. But it really scares me that I might not be good enough for you. That I make so many mistakes that you won't let me be yours anymore... Because I know I make a lot. I forget things. I'll forget the same thing multiple times even... And I hate that. Especially when I know they're important. Blogging is important to me too. I've never had a place where I could be open like I am on here.

I just really, really hope I'm good enough for you... I want to be... I'm trying to be. And it's really frightening to know just how easily I could lose this relationship... I don't want that to happen. I'm going to do everything I can to keep it from happening. It's too special, and too important to me for me to lose it over something like this... I'm your sub. I don't think I could be anyone else's...