What a Day

I'm probably not in the bloggiest of moods right now. But especially in a time like this I want to show you I'm thinking of you, and that what you say is still important to me.

I'm not sure I'm comfortable being around Kathleen anymore. Regardless of what she was planning, that was traumatic. I've never, ever had my life threatened like that before. Ever. I've never felt my safety was in so much danger that I immediately had to call the police. I've in fact never called the police on a person before in my life. I gave a lot of information over the phone with the operator. Whether I asked them not to file a report or not, they have the information to, and I think they're going to. With the cop telling me it's for my safety.

I don't know what to do. I feel like I screwed up. Like I should have done something different. Anything at all, that would have kept this from happening the way it did. I should have just gone back to your house without a word. Or maybe I should have made my intentions more clear, that I just wanted to spend some more time with my friends. Maybe then it wouldn't have made you upset, and in turn make her upset. I could have done things differently that would have made things happen differently. Or that I shouldn't have called the cops. That I could have just trusted that things would be handled by you. I don't know what I should of done, or even what I could have done.

I don't feel safe around her. And I don't know what that means for us. I don't know how it can work if I'm genuinely afraid of her. Even if it was just a moment of weakness, of emotional distress, who's to say that she won't have another? And maybe the next time it won't stop? What if she goes through with it? There's such a big difference between her simply not liking me and being so utterly terrified of her. I don't know how to handle this. I don't know if I even CAN handle this.

I just want to scream. This is so unfair.